It was only
50 years ago when our world changed forever. Even after all these years
scientists couldn’t figure out how it happened. What can be read in all history
books is still a mystery to all of us – the day when animals started to speak
with us.
No scientific
report had prepared us for it. No trend-scout could have predicted it. It hit
us unexpectedly and changed the course of history completely.
How? Did
the groundhog that sat next to you for three years in highschool infect you
with sleepiness? Everybody knows how it
all went…
August 2007
During the
attempt to mate the Albino-Gorilla “Whitaker” – the main attraction of the
London-Zoo – with the female gorilla “Babe”, Whitaker manages to escape from
his enclosure. He throws one of the keepers trying to stop him down a trench.
In an interview with The Sun Bob Hown
- the keeper – afterwards states, he clearly heard the gorilla saying “Fuck her
yourself, asshole”. The following waves
of scornful articles, the public witch-hunting and the dismissal from his job
finally leads to the suicide of Bob 4 months later. Whitaker is accidentally
shot dead by the police shortly afterwards in front of Gate A of the London
Airport.
November
2007
The Russian
biologist Anna Kolikova attacks her teamleader of the group for researching on
side-effects of the new HugeMacs hamburger on rats with a knife. In the
following trial the judge does not accept her argument that the rats told her
to kill her teamleader and sends her into a psychiatry for curing her
schizophrenia.
May 2008
After more
and more stories of talking animals occurred over the past months, Norman Gates
– an unemployed carpenter from Wisconsin
- posts a video of a dialogue
between him and a slater on his blog “The world is a cabinet”. On the video the
slater introduces himself as “Jimmy” and talks mostly about food. Due to the
bad quality of the video taken by Normans webcam he calls for a real camera
team dropping by his place. In expectation of a good shot about a deranged
individual the recently launched freak show “Baby Smash” sends a team to his
home and makes history with the first media interview with an animal.
September
2008
The mayor
of New York City barely manages to prevent mass hysteria after everywhere in
New York animals start to talk to humans. The short conversations – at that
point of time mainly consisting of insults – set people in a deep state of
confusion leading to an almost complete break-down of the normal life in New
York.
November
2008
the zoo of
Chicago 20 drunk youth beat up keepers and smash doors of enclosures to the
cheers of the Penguins they met few hours before that incident in front of a
pub. Following their example everywhere in the world groups fiercely start
attacking zoos and freeing animals.
February
2009
A poll
indicates that over 86% of the Australian Non-Vegetarian people do not want to
think of the fact that their daily meal could probably talk to them if it was
still alive. 63% are sure that the meat they eat every day is from animals that
were not able to speak at all.
January
2011
After
several threats the police force put in front of a big slaughterhouse in the
outskirts of Peking starts shooting into a big group of people that try to set
it on fire. The UN sharply condemns this
act of civil violence.
May 2012
The parrot
Polly is invited to Americas popular show “Walk the talk” to discuss about
animal rights with the governor of Texas as the Texan cow Martha, which was
originally invited, suddenly without a trace disappeared a few days before the
discussion. It is the first time an animal is invited to a show as an equal
participant. Martha publicly accuses the CIA of kidnapping and killing Molly
and demands from the governor to confess his knowledge about the incident, to
stop Texan ranchers from treating cattle like minerals and to give her a
cracker.
January
2013
The speaker
of the “Global Order For Animal Treatment” (GOAT) announces that due to the
merger with almost all the other young animal-right-movements and organizations
GOAT over the last year got over 84 million new members world-wide and
therefore became one of the strongest global organizations the world has ever
seen. He repeats their demands for a global law for prohibiting eating any
animals. The Time magazine titles “Be GOAT or be gone”.
October
2013
Norman
Gates book “Me and Jimmy, Jimmy and me – dialogues with a slater” hits the
first place of the international bestseller list and stays there for the
following two years.
April 2014
The commune of humanimals is founded in
Berlin by the political activist group “Sozialistische Deutsche
Tierliebhaber” together with two
dogs, three crows and an elephant. The commune is meant as a counter-model to
the traditional human – pet relationship and wants to promote equality in all
ways of living. The conservative media calls the commune a “shelter of
hypocritical sodomites”.
July 2014
The plan of the commune to throw a big pile of elephant-shit on the
Vice-president of the US during his visit in Berlin fails as the dogs are
caught on the street and brought to an animal shelter. After a fierce debate
about the responsibility for this failure the commune dissolves. La Chevaliere
– the elephant (whose original name was “pfffroot”) - later in her biography writes that “most of
them in fact were latent sodomites. Their disability to satisfy a strong lady
lead to so much inner frustration and tension that it was impossible to carry
on like that”.
December 2017
The unofficial speaker of the pigs Chrkchrk chhh is summoned to the European Food Safety Authority in Parma
to speak about his demands for providing better meat in return. With brilliant
negotiation skills he manages to push trough European directives improving
living conditions for pigs significantly. Three years later after intense
coaching by Chrkchrk the cows reach the same agreement with the EFSA.
March 2020
Chrkchrk chhh – already a world-wide star - publicly announces the
foundation of the International Animals Association IAA – an umbrella
organization for the company Animal International (AI), the Den for Non-Animal
Affairs (DNAA) and all the smaller movements like the Animal Liberation Army (ALA).
The lion Ronald Cumberstone is elected first president of IAA.
December 2021
The president of McDonalds International reports a sharp drop in the
consummation of burgers with meat. He prescribes the company a rigid change of
strategy. ¾ of the traditional menus are cut down and replaced with Vegetarian
food.
May 2023
The rising numbers of incidents were German shepherd dogs publicly
lacerate humans and feast upon their innards leads to the passing of the
“Gesetz zum Schutz vor Tieren” (Law for protection from animals) or short
“Tierschutzgesetz”. It will serve as a template for many similar laws
worldwide.
January 2024
The radical group “Black Panther” gets outlawed by the US senate and
its members set on the FBI list of the top ten most wanted criminals. The
leader of the Black Panther (a panther) sends out a video message were he talks about his
vision to open a “slaughterhouse for humans”.
April 2026
The United Nations agree on creating a bigger animal reservation in the
jungle of Kongo. The speaker of the IAA demands an own state and the
acknowledgement of animals as equal to humans, which is denied.
May 2028
On the 14th of May, the IAA declares the independence of
their reservation and founds the new state “Gaia”. It claims a significantly
bigger area than the original reservation had.
July 2028
UN troops arrive in Gaia to restore order between the several African
armies and the Gaians, which already started claiming more land.
January 2031
The UN “Animal resolution” declared animals falling under the human
rights and human jurisdiction. The rights name is changed to “human and animal
rights”. The declaration is ratified by 180 members (excluding e.g. China and
the US).
March 2032
The first
dolphin-therapy program is launched in Turkey. The innovative method of
exposing traumatized dolphins to human babies proofs to be a resounding success
with broad media coverage.
May 2033
Lifestyle magazines promote the newest top-notch luxury – restaurants
for humans in Gaia with “special menus”.
July 2033
The EU sends an investigation team to Africa to research why the flood
of refugees from there decreased so much over the last couple of months, though
still raging civil wars.
October 2035
The company Food from animal trusts (FAT) a spin-off from Animal
International focusing on producing and exporting delicacies is included in the
Stock Exchange Index of the Wall Street. The company has branches in 42
countries around the world.
November 2037
After the revelation of a mass production of human meat by FAT and
several other Gaian companies, the EU demands immediate stopping of all
production. After a short shock-period cooks and meat-lovers all around the
world start protesting against the EU proposal. A mass demonstration outside
the European parliament screams chants like “Let us eat or we eat you” , “We
ate them long enough! Eating humans is not tough!”.
February 2038
The global ethics commission opts for a general freedom in choice of
food with one vote in majority. “We did not think the Koala would vote for this…”
a frustrated enemy of the “Food-freedom proposal” is quoted later while demonstratively eating a crocodile-burger.
November 2048
The most popular dishes for Christmas are both Turkey and Austrian due to
their soft yet tasty meat. An attempt to blow up the smuggler ring that disobeys the prohibition of exporting people from Turkey fails.
Austria advances to the country with the highest
income per person world-wide.
Yes… the ways of history are sometimes inscrutable. Who would have
thought about all these things happening within 50 years. And how barbaric
these people were 50 years ago not allowing the individual to choose what it
wants to eat and what not.
Oh…
The door-bell is ringing. That should be the Grmpfgrmpfs from next door. Well, thank you for your
attention my strange visitor. Where are you from again…? Vienna… hm… I… see…
Probably
you want to drop by next year to join us for Christmas?